Becoming Someone You Respect

Respect. It’s a word that carries weight. Sometimes more than money, more than status. We often look at others—leaders, mentors, friends—and feel that familiar pull of admiration. Why? Because their actions match their words. Because they stand for something. Because they move through the world with integrity.

We don’t just respect them—we trust them. We give them our time. Our effort. We strive to earn their respect in return.

But here’s the truth that hit me recently:

The person I respected the least… was myself.

That realisation didn’t come gently. It hit while I was weighing up the decision to work for myself versus continuing under someone else’s leadership. When I worked for a boss, I showed up. I pushed myself. I met deadlines—even when it broke me. Why? Because I respected my boss, my colleagues, the work. I didn’t want to let them down.

I held their respect for me like it was sacred.But my own?I sacrificed it without even noticing.

When I started working for myself, I made myself tasks with deadlines—and then let them go without stress, panic, or even effort. As if my own authority wasn’t worthy. As if my standards didn’t matter. And honestly? That made me feel hopeless. The self-neglect and lack of self-worth became glaringly obvious. I knew what each task meant to me, but because it was set by me, for me, there was no pressure. No urgency. It was a hurdle I never expected—learning how to respect my own voice.

What Self-Respect Looks Like

Self-respect isn’t loud. It’s not about proving anything to the world. It’s quiet. Solid. It’s discipline. Boundaries. Honest choices. It’s doing what you said you would—especially when no one else is watching.

It’s showing up for yourself the way you show up for everyone else.

For me, it looks like sitting down to work when I said I would. Sticking to the morning routine I know helps my mind. Choosing the option that doesn’t cost my peace—even if it disappoints someone else.

I’ve had to learn to say “no” and to understand that “no” is a full sentence. One that needs no explanation. You don’t owe anyone a reason—only yourself.

Self-respect meant choosing when and who I socialise with. It meant taking responsibility for my diet, my habits, my structure. Not bending everything around everyone else’s preferences—but building a life around me, and letting the rest fit in.

Ways I Had Let Myself Down

• Saying yes to things that drained me. Things that cost me personally.

• Breaking promises I made to myself.

• Seeking validation over alignment.

• Silencing my voice to avoid conflict.

• Ignoring what I truly wanted for the sake of being liked.

I was a chronic people-pleaser. I would say yes before even checking in with myself. I valued my time less than everyone else’s. I would consider their sacrifice, their schedule, their needs—but never my own. I’d protect their peace at the cost of mine. And it drained me. Slowly, quietly. Until there was barely anything left.

My self-worth wasn’t just low—it wasn’t even measurable.

I knew how to gain everyone else's respect… but not my own. And that’s a wound only I could heal.

Things I’ve Done (And Am Still Doing) to Become Someone I Respect

• Keeping my word to myself, even when no one else will know.

• Walking away from spaces where I’m tolerated, not celebrated.

• Choosing discomfort that leads to growth, over comfort that keeps me small.

• Letting my values lead, not my fears.

• Treating myself like someone I’m responsible for taking care of.

  
  

One of the biggest acts of self-respect? Quitting my job.

It wasn’t impulsive. I thought about it for a long time. I wanted a life that felt aligned. Something I could build and own—not just survive through. But walking away from the safety of a steady pay check, from the identity that role gave me—that was terrifying.

What made it hard?I was scared of failing.Scared of not being taken seriously.I didn’t have a perfect plan—just a gut feeling that I was meant for more.And I cared deeply about the people I worked with. I didn’t want to let them down.

But the truth?I had been letting myself down for too long.Sacrificing my peace. Dismissing my dreams. Shrinking myself to stay safe.

What did it change for me?It gave me space.Not just time, but space in my mind, in my energy, in my sense of possibility.

Now, every day, I wake up and work on something I believe in—Feral Growth. I’m choosing risk, yes. But I’m also choosing respect.

And I’d rather risk it all for a life that feels honest than stay safe in a life that doesn’t.

It’s not perfect. But every small act of alignment builds something unshakable.

A Note to You

If you’re reading this and you feel that disconnect—between who you are and who you want to be—know this:

You don’t need to be extraordinary to be respected.You just need to be honest. And choose yourself.

So ask yourself this today:

“If I were someone else… would I respect me?”

And if the answer’s no—don’t run from it. Start rebuilding. Quietly. Daily. Fiercely.

Because the version of you who lives in truth?

They’re worth becoming.