Am I Being Lazy... Or Is This Healing?

It’s the Bank Holiday weekend. For all intents and purposes, I’ve had three days off — and today is the fourth.

From the outside, you’d think this would be the perfect chance to dive into my business. To focus, learn, build, and finally do all the things I’ve said I would. I’ve told the world, “I’m doing a lot — I just need more time.”

Well, here I am, with all the time…And what did I do?

Absolutely nothing.

This long to-do list of things I want to do, need to do stares at me untouched. I imaged this weekend would be smashing out content, prepping for weeks ahead and walking into the next week feeling strong and on top of it.

Yet, what did I do? Nothing.

But Is That True?

Maybe not nothing. I read various books. I listened to audiobooks. I walked for hours. I napped. I blocked all social media. I spoke to no more than three people in four days. I created nothing. I uploaded nothing. I didn’t post once.

And yet… I didn’t sit in bed all day eating junk or zoning out to TV either. I wasn’t inactive. I was still. And yet, my mind screamed:

“What the hell are you doing?” “People aren’t going to take you seriously.” “You’re being lazy.”

That quote came to me — the one that haunts so many of us building something from scratch:

“If someone walked into your life right now and looked at what you're doing… would they believe you take your dreams seriously?”

Would they?

That quote often motivates me into action but adding a sort of pressure. A pressure to do the obvious, that everyone, if they watched me for just an hour and I explained what I was doing would beg me to do. It makes me question how seriously I am taking my growth too, my pinnacle rational around my output. Constantly driving to do more.

So Why Did I Stop?

The simple truth? My body told me to.

I was waking up and immediately reaching for my phone. I was focusing on everyone else’s content, everyone else’s progress. I felt tired — not just physically, but emotionally. Uncentered. Overstimulated. Detached from myself.

And if Feral Growth is going to involve social media, I knew I needed to heal my relationship with it.

Looking at my screen time was the tipping point. The hours I was losing — not even creating, just consuming — shocked me. So I went cold turkey:

No Instagram. No Facebook. No YouTube. No Reddit (the worst for anxiety doomscrolling, in my case).

I stripped it all away.

What Happened Without It

Suddenly, there was space.

And in that space, I returned to things I chose — not just what filled the time.

• I read (an entire book, and made progress in two others).

• I walked — without music, without distraction.

• I noticed how beautiful my area is: the sunsets, the air, the quiet moments I usually rush past.

• I napped without guilt. When my body required it.

• I started being present again.

I finally was able to read more than a few sentences and look for another distraction. Able to enjoy authors I haven't in so long and allow the, to carry into a new perspective.

Without the pressure of “what’s next,” I started to wonder — is this healing?

Is this what I needed?

There’s a quote that came to mind:

“You have to make room for the new by getting rid of the old.”

That’s what this felt like. A clearing. A detox. A reset from the chaos I didn’t even know I’d been carrying.

But Still… I Felt Lazy

Even after all of that, a part of me judged myself. Told me I’d failed. That I wasted time. That I was falling behind.

And the irony?

I was actually incredibly productive — just not in the way we’re taught to measure it.

I didn’t consume junk. I didn’t mindlessly scroll. I read deeply. I reflected. I slowed down on purpose.

Yet still… I felt guilty.

We are raised to value output. Time is wasted if there is not a clear, measurable achievement at the end of it others would see value of. would others see value in this? Would others looking to achieve and accomplish similar things to me look at my week and call that a success?

So… Why Do We Feel Guilt for Resting?

Why do we equate value with output? Why do we feel like we must earn rest?

This time off — this pause — was not procrastination. It was me pulling myself out of a loop I didn’t want to stay in. It was me choosing presence over pressure.

And maybe that’s the most productive thing I could’ve done.

This time taught me that stopping something is as valuable as starting. It reminded me again that we have to make space and making space isn't always physical. Not always discarding of items but discarding of actions, thoughts and addictions that don't serve us any more. In the end this was just a dopamine addiction I had to reconfigure in order to make it productive. Did I lose time? Yes. But did I gain a new balance? Yes.

Final Thoughts

There’s a fine line between healing and procrastination — I get that. But sometimes the only way to know which one it is… is to stop. And listen.

Not to the noise in your head, or the pressure of other people’s timelines. But to your body. To your breath. To your truth.

Because real growth isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it looks like stillness. It is a much about taking your foot off the gas as it is putting your foot to the floor.

And that’s not lazy. That’s healing.